Meniere's Disease

Full disclosure, this blog will be all over the place.  Simply because my mind is.  Therefore, I apologize for the journey you are about to take with this.  I’m trying to figure out where to start?  I’ll start with one of my favorite characters in Doctor Who, named the Master or in another incarnation named “Missy”.  See the Master is the Doctor’s nemesis.  A brilliant however quite frankly crazy antagonist.  The reason I bring this up is related to how he actually became mad.  Turns out that when he was a child his people made sure he would hear 4 taps (the sound of two heartbeats) ring in his mind, ALL – THE – TIME!!!.  This sound was non-stop constant ringing which eventually drove him crazy.

From a very early age, I had bad ear infections to the point of it getting operated on.  Since I was a child I have always had ringing in the ears.  A very very light form of tinnitus.  Over the years, it has been something in the background that I barely noticed.  Gradually it became worse however it was a very slow progression.  I had always gotten used to the fact that I hear much less out of my left ear than I do the right.  I blamed it on years of Djing and the habit of dancing in front of speakers blasting music at insane decibels.  Last year, however, out of the blue, it became so much more intense.  Intense enough for me to go see an ear specialist.  After several tests, he pretty much told me there was nothing to be done, if it gets worse, I will need a hearing aid.  So I moved on.  I had literally just gotten my first prescription for glasses at the time, therefore getting a hearing aid was a bit too much on the fast track to geriatrics.

As mentioned in a previous blog, I had been on sick leave related to stress for a few weeks.  During therapy, it was encouraged for me to find something creative to do, that I enjoy.  This is where the inspiration to create a blog site came from, however, the second activity was related to writing music.  Once I made that realization, figuring that I have a few weeks more of sick leave I started planning out when and how I was to accomplish this goal.   Two days later, I met with my doctor, to find out that there is apparently a 10-week cap to sick leaves related to mental health.  I need not spend much time describing how ridiculous that sounded!  Therefore, my return to work was scheduled for the following week.  Now I have to fast tract my music project in order to really have time to enjoy it before I get back to work on a full-time basis.  We plan for the next day.  I’m excited.  Then the next day arrives.

Saturday morning, I wake up, and it feels like a rubber bag has been wrapped around my head.  I am dizzy, nauseous and I can’t hear anything but the pounding of my heart and a very LOUD humming sound.  My first thought is wax.  Usually coming out of the shower, I would lightly apply a Q-tip to clean out my ears.  I know I know, we are not supposed to do that, however, I never go in too far, just on the outside of the ear canal.  We ran out of Q-tips a few months ago, so I have just been cleaning with hot water.  My assumption was I have wax build-up.  As I am thinking this, I tell my wife, what is going on. And here comes the second surprise.  She starts talking to me and sounds like a cross between Optimus Prime and Starscream!  Then I listen to my own voice and it has that same autotuned effect.  I start laughing, cause its kinda cool.  However, trust me when I say the novelty dies off pretty quick.  So what comes next, well as we do for everything else, we turn to youtube for much need answers.  YouTube, the weekend WebMD.  Many videos were watched on how to safely remove stubborn wax.  Included in these videos, are actual clips from ear doctors removing particularly stubborn chunks of wax.  I must say, it was gross, but you could not look away until the whole thing was out.  But I digress.  The consensus was twice a day using peroxide and or/ olive oil alternatively to break down the wax and have it eventually slip or fall out of your ear.  Many videos suggested continuing this for approximately two weeks.

I was so distraught.  TWO WEEKS!?!?!  I had music to write.  At this moment I felt like my world was crashing around me.  It sounds silly, however when usually you go day to day with little to look forward to in terms of personal artistic release and after years of meandering you finally find something you can sink your teeth into, it is taken away.  (Insert 5 stages of grief here) I deluded myself into thinking that I could proceed anyway, however hearing everything sound like it was autotuned and at times losing hearing of any sound with a hint of bass… there was no point.  Then came the migraines, the dizziness, and the nausea.  At one point I had to run to my bed before collapsing on the floor and barely made it before ripping the canopy curtains to the floor.  The following Monday morning my wife booked me an appointment with my ear doctor.  The earliest availability was two weeks away.  So, I find myself, daily, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with this loud humming in my head.  Some days are better than others.  However, on the very bad days, I literally cannot hear anything, less than yelling.  Hanging out with friends was painful.  You can tell people that you are going deaf and cannot hear, but for some reason, they really do not get it.  Sure they speak up for a few minutes, however quickly revert to becoming the proverbial Seinfeld low talker.  I’m just glad that I did not agree to wear a puffy shirt on national television.  Then again…. How do I know… I haven’t?

I now go back to the ear doctor.  Go figure, that the day of the appointment while still in pain and partially deaf, it’s the best I had felt in a couple of weeks.  I meet with the doctor, tell him what has been going on as well as my “it must be wax” suspicions.  He tells me to relax and says he will take a quick look.  When he is done, he tells me, my ears are completely clean.  My heart sinks.   I honestly thought it would be as simple as in for a cleaning and it would have been over with.  He sends me back to do more hearing tests then asks me to reiterate my symptoms.  When all is done, he invites me to sit down.  Once seated, he oh so casually tells me: “You have Meniere’s disease.”

Wait what?  At that moment I felt like saying “Your face is Meniere’s disease!”  However, I did not.   Mainly because I had no idea what Meniere’s disease is.   While staring at the blank look on my face, he advises me that when I had been there the previous year, he did mention to me that he had suspected as much.  To which I tell him I do not remember this conversation.  He insists that he did tell me.  The only retort I had (which is probably true) is that I most likely did not hear him.  (I will leave you to find the irony in that).  SO, he gives me a prescription for steroids, vitamin b, and magnesium.   Reduce salt, eliminate caffeine and slow down on the alcohol.  Since I am not that heavy of a drinker, it’s really the sodium and the caffeine that needs to be tackled.  Tells me to get a blood test and come back in a month, for a follow-up.  I thank him for his time and leave the office.  Meet my wife who works in a nearby dental clinic to share the news.  Make a brief joke about me trying to compete with her cancer then I go home.  The afternoon is spent trying to figure out what in the world this disease is and the treatments to go with it.  While doing research, I am comforted by the fact that I do not have the extreme vertigo issues many reports.   The constant Tinnitus has been very maddening, in addition to not being able to hear my wife’s natural voice.  There has definitely been less dizziness and vertigo.  Still get constant migraines. As for music, it’s been horrible.  Everything sounds like an out-of-tune brass horn.  I miss the BASS!  I have been changing my diet and limiting myself to only 1 coffee a day.   The steroids have only had the effect of making me hungry and keeping me up at night. So it’s been two weeks now that I sleep  2 to 3 hours at night.  At least I can take some time to write some blogs.  So quickly on the heels of my aunt passing away, I have had little time to process either of these issues.  I guess I can be happy that this is not life-threatening.  Without a doubt, my life has irrevocably changed.  In conclusion, I am reminded of a quote from a novel I read as a child.  Where the main character seems through a series of, let's just say, unfortunate events.  When confronted with this he could only respond: “Sometimes life is just one desperate act after another”.  There are times where life is just one crisis after another.   My wife keeps saying that, at the end of the day, you are the one that will decide what your attitude will be about a given situation.

That being said, I am at peace with this, as I know this is not forever.